(In)Definitely Engaged

It’s been an unforgivably long time since my last post, and I know (read: hope) you all have missed me so much. You may be wondering what we have been up to since my last post. Well, we’ve mulched the yard, scraped and re-painted our bathroom ceiling, started the summer garden, cut the grass, planted new flowers, attended our friends Sam and Knight’s wedding, traveled to our respective homes a few times, replaced our garbage disposal, removed a few gigantic trees, etc.

What we have not done is plan a wedding.

Yes, 14 months since Kevin gave me a ring and 7 months before “the date,” and nothing is planned.

We are much better at wedding speculating. Sure, I have thought about wedding plans—everything from photography (I did manage to find someone who would do a wedding for Kevin’s strict $1,000 photography budget) to colors to themes to playlists. And I can’t even quantify the number of hours we have spent debating the pros and cons of eloping versus having a small wedding (family only) versus having a wedding extravaganza. To me, the latter two options seem trite and not worth the headache. My dream wedding is the one that costs very little stress and—more importantly—very little money.

(Plot twist: Kevin—the one who never wanted to get married—is the one who is pushing for a real wedding, while I am leaning more toward a romantic getaway elopement.)

My problem is this: I believe our input (money + time + stress) would not return a gain for the output (presents + fun – wedding day stress). We might break even, but I think the reality is that we would see a negative return. I’m sure many people think this is a terrible way to look at “the happiest day of your life,” but to me, happiness is financial security and making sound investment choices. I very rarely squander my money on myself, so why would I change my spending habits for a wedding—a one-day event that probably won’t be the happiest day of my life? (And I have always considered this a ridiculous colloquialism; I would prefer that my days only get happier as I age, so that every day is the happiest day of my life.)

So, for now, the October 25 wedding is off (you’re welcome, sports-fan friends), and instead we are indefinitely engaged (but still definitely engaged!).

Kevin’s opinion (via creatively formatted Google Hangout today) defines our struggle rather accurately:

I just…
don’t know
I don’t know what I want
I don’t want to get married in some secret shotgun ceremony like a heathen
having a wedding that’s big and beautiful and not heathen
and I don’t care
because the truth is that
We are both kind of heathen

Needless to say, he melted my heart.


4 thoughts on “(In)Definitely Engaged

  1. Wow! Such honesty! Planning (and paying) for a wedding is definitely stressful, and you have to do it however makes the two of you happy and comfortable. It might take a while to figure out what exactly that means, but when you do, you’ll be ready to do it your way, and no matter what it is, it will be great. 🙂


  2. Courthouse… Or hell I can marry you… find a notary… It won’t be heathen, it will be you guys and God, you don’t need more than that. Have a party after or spend that $1000 getting wonderful photographs on your honeymoon and let everyone send you a card with money when they get your “hey we got married!” card… People forget a wedding is about the people getting married. Don’t get caught up in the “we have to do this for my family” or “this has to be a grand expensive thing”… at the end of the day a wedding is personal, and wonderful and whatever fits Kevin and Carly… =) Love and kisses…


  3. Alright, here’s a possible paradigm shift for you. A small or large wedding doesn’t necessarily have to be a squandering of money on yourself. It can be an investment in relationships. Sharing a special event in your life with family and friends could be considered sharing, not squandering. It is often a way for more distant friends and relatives to meet each other and/or renew acquaintances. It’s a way of celebrating with those you love and care about.
    That said, as you know, elopement has a special place in my heart!! Weddings can be way too stressful and not just for the couple getting married. Guests have to make travel plans, fork out money on gifts and clothes, mingle with new people, etc..
    All that being said, I agree with Cynthia. “At the end of the day a wedding is personal and wonderful and whatever fits Kevin and Carly”.
    I dearly love you both!

    BTW, love Kevin’s thoughts put into poetic form!! Haha


  4. Pingback: We Did | Planning Poor

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