As I mentioned in another post, Kevin and I decided to create an electronic guestbook for our wedding. We used Google Forms to create it and one of our many old laptops to collect answers, and the data we received can be saved forever (until the sun blows up) without having to be on display in our house. We loved being able to create our own questions, and it was free to create, but the downside—at least for our house-party wedding—was that not a lot of people saw it, or if they did see it, they didn’t know what it was (despite me hanging a sign above it that read, “Sign our guestbook!”). Still, we received 17 very humorous responses. Below are the questions we asked and some of our favorite responses (as-written, so the typos are not mine).
Carly AND Kevin
The first section included questions that asked for answers relating to both of us.
1. Who are you? [No funny answers to this one.]
2. How do you know us?
- I’ve known your inner most selves for eternity. This is merely one version of our lives in which we meet and eventually take over the world. Unfortunately, in every version of these events, Carl dies a horrible painful death. Just like when she mids [video-game reference].
- Kevin: Gin and tonic. On a shed roof. While on the clock. Carly: Gasparilla photos. Frozen yogurt. Ceviche.
- I went through the bowels of hell to give birth to Carly, all 10 pounds 13 and 1/2 ounces of her! Believe it or not, this wisp of a young woman was the biggest baby in the nursery that day. I know Kevin from the infamous first date when he kidnapped my daughter and kept her for hours and hours, worrying me to death! [Hmm, wonder whose response that is!]
- Friends and shit (literally).
3. What’s your favorite and/or funniest memory of us?
- When you got me that air mattress and stared at me while it inflated like it was the most wonderful thing in the history of mankind.
- For both of you, certainly the air bed which you had to sleep on post-FLGA. I mean, really, people in Gulags had better beds. That looked miserable. Go Gators.
- THE FUNNIEST MEMORY OF YOU WAS PROBABLY THAT ONE TIME WE DID THE THING AND THEN WE WERE ALL LAUGHING ABOUT IT FOR DAYZZZZ.
4. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
- If you don’t feel well or need to think deeply, poop then shower.
- When you get Cass poison on someone the best way to dps is by spamming E [video-game reference].
- “Don’t work a job you don’t enjoy to buy things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.” -Ancient Proverb attributed to Some Bullshit Greek Philosopher Which No One Gives a F*ck About
- C.R.E.A.M.: Cash Rules Everything Around Me [What??]
- Keep it simple.
- Go with the flow. And, Life is like an EKG machine. If it’s flat, you’re not living.
5. Where do you see us in 25 years?
- At a restaurant with a table of your own screaming loud kids.
- As co-owners of a decent goat farm.
- I CAN’T SEE THE FUTURE BECAUSE I’M NOT A F*CKING WIZARD.
- Wherever you are.
6. When did you know we were meant for each other?
- I’ve known Kevin was meant for me since the moment we met. Carl is just a distraction to both of us.
- When you started arguing over LoL [video-game reference].
- Carly needed a strong older sibling to continually ridicule and mock her and Kevin is an older sibling with plenty of experience. Also as I’m writing this I hear Kevin discussing dungeons & dragons and larping…right up Carly’s alley. He was proudly showing off a game closet…
- We didn’t know that Carly could find someone that could compete with her wit and keep up with her in a debate. She met her match with Kevin. He truly gave her a run for her money. I knew he was going to be around for a while.
- When you mutually agreed that poop was okay.
- THIS QUESTION MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.
7. Free space! [We told people they could write whatever they wanted, and most responses were very heartwarming.]
Carly OR Kevin
The second section included multiple-choice questions. Guests were given various scenarios and had to choose one answer.
1. Who would you rather remain friends with if we got divorced?
2. Who wears the pants?
3. Who has better hair?
4. Who has a better butt?
5. Who could win in an argument against you?
6. Who would be a better president?
7. Who would you rather be stuck in an airport with?
8. Who would you rather date?
9. Who would survive the longest during the zombie apocalypse?
10. Who would you rather be murdered by during the zombie apocalypse when we’re the last three people alive and we’ve decided to eat you?